RalphQuil
by AzmariaHarmony
Summary: In which Ralph takes DayQuil and disastorious things happen. Ralph/Roger; Implied Maurice/Percival; Rated T for Ralph's hippie-like hallucinations


_When I woke up today, I had planned to do something useful, like get caught up on Choir Notes or do the summer reading I've been neglecting all this time.  
But noooooooo my brain said, I must write Lord of the Flies fanfiction like the wonderful loser I am. C:_

_P.S. I am trying to build up the courage to write all those Choir Notes. All eight of them. Wheee…_

Ralph moaned as he awoke to a pounding headache and slurred voices. He first thought that he had been to a crazy party, got smashed, and now was waking up with all the other bums who passed out at pubs. Except pubs didn't smell like antiseptic. Or did they..?

"…-al….R'lph…. Ralph!" a familiar voice rang out, quite loudly the blonde might add. He blinked groggily to see two Rogers. He didn't know Roger had a twin… Sam and Eric were the only twins he knew. Ralph felt the touch of a hand on his cheek, it was very cold. Roger always had cold hands. Except after certain activities.

"Rogerrrr~…." Ralph cooed in a sort of sloppy manner. Roger sighed in relief when Ralph was conscious. "Thank God…" he whispered, making Ralph frown. Why thank God? Wasn't Roger atheist? Oh sweet Jesus, did he get drunk in a church?

"Idiot! You go off to get milk and thirty minutes later, I get call that you're in the hospital and in a coma! You bloody, bloody idiot!" Roger scolded, scowling. Ralph's vision and head was clearing, so he could see Roger's hands were shaking and he was biting down hard on his lip. He only did that when he was trying hard to keep from crying. Ralph groaned again and slid down into the pillows.

"What happened?" He asked his boyfriend. Roger gave him a piercing glare.

"That's what I want to know, but those damn doctors won't tell me a goddamn thing those mother-!" Roger continued swearing a bit loudly while pacing angrily. Ralph leaned back and closed his eyes. His day had started so much better than this…

_Two Hours Earlier_

"Ralph! We're out of milk again!" Roger called, poking his head into the living room where Ralph was on the couch and watching the afternoon news while cradling the tissue box like it was a precious child. It was a Saturday, so they both had they day off, but Ralph had caught the cold at the law firm he worked at.

"Go get it yourself…" Ralph mumbled, blowing his nose into a Kleenex and tossing it onto the ground. Already a small mountain range was surrounding his feet. Roger grimaced at the mess.

"I told you, I have a sight reading piece that I need to have written and faxed in for the high school state competition by five," he oh-so-annoyingly reminded the sick blonde. "And pick up your snot rags while you're up!" Roger said before disappearing into the cave he called his study. Ralph stuck his tongue at him, but was interrupted by a sneeze. He sighed and trudged to the bathroom and went through the medicine cabinet. Dayquil. Huh.

"Multi-symptom relief and non-drowsy… Bottoms up!" Ralph took the prescribed dosage before grabbing his car keys and shoes.

"Be back in an hour!" he called to Roger.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Roger shouted back, his typical response. Ralph rolled his eyes and headed out. Please. As if he would do anything stupid.

He got into his white 1964 Mustang, smiling a bit at the comfortable scarlet leather seats that he had cleaned numerous times. "Hi baby~" he cooed to his car, stroking the wheel. "Did you miss me?" He started up the car and took off down the road. Like a bullet, a piercing headache split through Ralph's skull, making him almost swerve off of the road. Ralph rubbed his temples, frowning. Well that was odd…

He pulled up to the nearby Wal-Mart, smirking rebelliously. Roger only shopped at Target and declared all things from Wal-Mart were evil and therefore, not worthy for Roger's supreme presence. Roger wasn't here, so he decided to play the revenge card for being forced to go on the shopping trip.

Ralph got out of his car and immediately had to clutch onto it to keep from crashing to ground. He felt like the entire world was some sadistic merry-go-round and was now dreading the rest of the shopping trip. He shakily made it into the store and got a cart he could lean on. Milk… He just needed milk. Then he could go home and die dramatically in the arms of his lover while Roger wept from his tragic mistake while loudly declaring his undying love for him….  
He really needed to stop comparing his life to soap operas.

Ralph stumbled a bit as he made his way to the back of the store where he believed the milk was located. It seemed so far away.

"Ralph? Is that you?" a familiar voice came from behind him. Ralph turned to see Maurice dragging a confused Percival behind him. "Dude! I didn't know you shopped here! I thought Roger hated Wal-Mart!"

Ralph gave a small chuckle, trying to appear somewhat normal and not that his brain was starting to explode into a colorful work of fire that would make all pyromaniacs green with envy. Or just green. Like him. "Yup. Roger's not here, so I decided to rebel," he responded. "So, how've you been?"

Maurice grinned and wrapped and arm around Percival, making the nineteen year old blush. "Never been better, my friend. You? Still living with Rog?"

"I've been fine. And yes, I'm still living with Roger. It's not that bad you know." Ralph grimanced as another headache came on, but now his vision and hearing were warped.

"Haaaaa haaaa Oooooof coooourse IIIIII knoooooow," Maurice said in a slow deep voice like everything was in slow motion. "Weeeee haaaave tooooo goooo geeeeet sooooommmee pooooootaaaaatoooooes Raaaaaalph. Seeeeee yooooouuuu laaaaatttteeeerrrrrr….." Maurice and Percival walked off, leaving Ralph alone. The blonde slowly made his way to the milk again, feeling like he was in some hippie's crack-induced dream. It sure was colorful enough.

"Siiiiiirrrrrrr…" an employee came up to him in blue. Like everywhere. Even her skin and hair was blue. Ralph wondered if Target dyed all their employees red. "Aaaaarrrrre yooooouuu ooookaaaaay?" she asked, her voice also slowed down.

Ralph grinned goofily. "Miiiiiiiillllllkkk….." he slurred before collapsing in the middle of the aisle.

Then he was riding through green plains on a white mustang. The horse kind, not the car kind. Roger was on a tall white podium in front of him in a long white dress, with flowers in his hair and playing a harp of some kind. Or a ukulele. It changed frequently.

Ralph briefly zapped back into reality and saw Maurice and the employee crouched over him with worried expressions and speaking rapidly, but Ralph couldn't hear them. Percival was standing over them, talking into his cellphone.

Then he was soaring through the clouds on a sparkly pink dragon, Roger next to him in the same outfit from before, but with fairy wings this time. Roger leaned into kiss him and then they were in a silk sheet clad bed, the moonlight spilling over Roger's bare skin. Roger grinned seductively at him, whispering something that made Ralph grin as well.

Then he was in the ambulance, sorely disappointed, with a oxygen mask over his face. The paramedics shouted something when they noticed he was awake. He felt a needle prick into his skin and then gave into the black tidal wave.

_Now Time_

"… And that's what happened," Ralph stated after he explained what happened (minus the hippie dreams) to a stupefied Roger.

"So this was all because of the DayQuil?" Roger asked, still confused. He had heard that there was some severe side effects, but Ralph was one of those people that you could drag behind a chariot for hours and still be able to walk.

"Apparently," the doctor said, coming up behind him. "We flushed the rest of medicine out of your system, so you should be free to go tomorrow morning."

Roger sighed in relief and squeezed Ralph's hand before heading out. He had to go tell the others that Ralph wasn't going to die before Simon got himself too worked up and faint again.

"In the future Mr. Greenwood," the Doctor said before he left. "I would recommend Tylenol. "


End file.
